Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Beginning

How Did I Get Here?

I'll admit it. I've been floundering. I created this blog because I needed something. The only problem? What did I need? Well, a lot of things. Basically an entire life overhaul.

In 2007 something happened that started me on a path to a completely different life. It was something that I believe I couldn't have stopped no matter what I did. My husband of four years walked out on me. He came to me one day and said "I'm not happy, I don't think I'm cut out for married life. I want out."

I was shocked, hurt, confused and very scared. I fell into denial for a few months and refused to let him go, even though I knew my life with him had been very bad. Over the course of four months I gradually began to see what my life could be if I had the chance to let go and start over. I started to feel hope. I suddenly felt excited for what my life could become.

In my mind, I knew that I wanted to create a new me. One that I could be happy with, be proud of and finally find that inner peace I'd been craving. The entire process of breaking away from him took over a year. During that year, I came to the end of my rope many, many times. But each time, I managed to keep my head above water.

A lot happened in that year. My life changed drastically. My life was a rollercoaster as I struggled to find my place in the world. About four months ago, everything finally started to fall into place. I started to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

I was dating a very loving, caring wonderful guy. We moved in together. I let go of some of the things in my life that were sources of stress and conflict. I decided that happiness is something you create. I've only just begun to realize how starting this blog can help me create my own little pocket of happiness and I've begun to formulate a plan.

The Plan

The last two years have left me broke and emotionally scarred. My health has suffered as stress has caused me to lose sleep and not eat right. I have been so caught up in my own life's problems that I have forgotten how important it is to be there for other people around you and to do what you can to help others. I've become very selfish. I've realized that providing for myself is next to impossible without an education.

I've decided to use this blog to track my progress on my pathway to happiness- greener grass. There are 5 aspects of my life that I feel I need to get control of in order to find that happiness.

1. Career/Education
2. Relationships
3. Mental Health/Physical Health
4. Finances

What Can I Gain?

I never want to feel out of control of my life again. There were many times during the past two years that I felt I was not capable of everything that life threw at me. I felt helpless and alone. I searched for a way to end my pain, to run away from the mess my life had become. Now, I want to have the confidence to face life's challenges head on and to conquer them one at a time. I hope to become a stronger, happier person through all of this.

I've never felt this much excitement to make changes in my life. Usually change intimidates me. But not anymore. It's time to take back my life.