Monday, August 17, 2009

Monday Mentality-Missed Opportunities

Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.
~Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Big. Fat. Fail. I had several chances to speak with the Boy and come clean about my finances this weekend. He even brought it up, point blank, to me on several occasions. But each time I chickened out.

I don't know why this is so hard for me. He once wrote to me "You never ask me for anything, but I want to give you everything." Now is the time I really need his help.

I guess I feel that asking him for help would be admitting the ultimate failure. I've always tried to show him, from the very beginning of our relationship, that I was capable of taking care of myself. I wanted him to see that I was independent and that I wasn't just another girl trying to mooch off of him.

He told me that he loved the fact that I wasn't just another chick or girl, that I was a woman with her head on straight. Maybe that's what's holding me back. The feeling that I somehow let him down. That maybe I'm not that capable woman he thought I was.

I'm not sure how to remedy this. I brushed him off so many times when this subject came up that it seems lame to say "well, okay, I do want to talk about it." Why do I have to be such a coward?! I don't want to be that way.

I guess this is something that I need to work on if I am truly going to find complete happiness with who I am. I need to be able to talk to my Boy about things like this.

I will try again. I'll be brave. I'll just sit him down tonight and talk to him. No more missing this opportunity.