Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Mental Health/Relationships- Is this closure?

It's been quite some time since my divorce. I felt that I have moved on but there was still a nagging in the back of my mind. Something that told me I still hadn't reached the final phase of closure.

A sad circumstance last week provided events that would ultimately lead to my reconnection with my ex husband. This reconnection included a casual conversation as well as a gathering face to face where I was also able to reconnect with lost family members.

I actually got a very simple form of an apology. Can you imagine how difficult it is to believe that your spouse never cared about the pain he instilled in you or the mental damage he had caused? To believe that someone you gave yourself to in all your entirety couldn't give a shit about you is heart wrenching. To find out that it's simply pride that has kept him from showing remorse was exactly what I needed.

To see and hug family members who I thought held me responsible for the failed marriage but in fact saw no blame at all was wonderful. To be told that you were missed is all I ever wanted. I still haven't processed what this all means to me.

I'm not sure if it denotes final closure or if I'll ever experience that complete closure. But I feel a sense of inner peace that I thought I'd never feel again. I feel relieved that the ex and I can both admit our wrongs and talk as friends again without playing the blame game.

I didn't realize how much I needed that.