Saturday, August 15, 2009

Finances & Relationships: When they meet face to face

It's painfully obvious to me that nothing can be done about my financial situation until I'm well on my way with all three jobs. This dragged out hiring process with Job 3 is killing me. While I wait for all three jobs to fall in to place, I'm slowly digging my hole deeper and deeper just trying to survive.

I'm at the point where I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next couple of months financially. I don't really talk about my finances that much with the Boy but last week he found some notes I had scribbled about bills. He asked if I needed him to be my "Sugar Daddy" for awhile. In all honesty, I really did. But I was too embarrassed to say yes.

I talked to my sister the other night and she told me how it had been between her and her husband when they first started combining finances. She said she was embarrassed at first too but then she had to realize that he really does love her and he wants a relationship where they help each other out.

I know that my Boy wants the same. My sister pointed out that the reason I'm feeling all scared to talk to the Boy about it was because the X always made me feel guilty anytime I used his money for anything- even after we were married. We never combined finances and I pretty much had to fend for myself. That was hard when he expected certain things in the house and sometimes it just wasn't in MY budget, but he wouldn't pay for it.

But I have to keep reminding myself that my Boy is not the X. My Boy cares about me and loves me and wants the best for me. So I've decided to talk to him about my financial situation this weekend and see if he can help me stay above water until these jobs fall in to place.

I am really scared to do this. I know I will probably cry but if I can't talk to him about this then I shouldn't be with him. I am just angry that I've put myself in a situation where I can't take care of myself, that I've let me debt get out of hand. I feel so stupid and I look in the mirror and just see a big, fat failure.

But I hope that feeling this way will be the motivation I need to continue to get back on track and I know that the Boy will be there with me all the way.