Friday, August 14, 2009

Relationships: The most important lesson

Part of living a happy, healthy life is having happy, healthy relationships with other people. Right now, the most important relationship I have is with the Boy.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my first marriage. It's hard not to dwell over what I could have done or shouldn't have done. I don't want to make the same mistakes this time around. The most important lesson I did learn from my marriage, was to never take your partner for granted.

With the Boy, I'm much more in tune to what I say to him and how I act towards him. I make sure that I remember every day why I love him and.... (now this is important too)..... why he loves me.

I am grateful every day that he is in my life. I want to make sure that he has a happy and healthy life too. I don't want to be a source of stress or tension in his life. I want to be that place he runs to when life gets rough.

About a year ago I was having lunch with my grandmother. I had always been in awe of her and my grandfather's relationship. I never saw either one of them lose their temper or snap at each other. I asked my grandmother how this was possible.

I fathomed that she must get irritated sometimes. I mean, everyone does things that irritate other people and when you live together it's impossible to ignore those things.

I was amazed to hear her explanation. She said that in the first six months of her marriage, they argued quite a bit. They got on each others nerves and she was worried that things were not going to end up well. However, she reminded herself of the reasons why she married him and she knew that he loved and cared for her as well.

She made a conscious decision, right then and there,to put all differences aside. To love and cherish her new husband every single day, no matter how many times he left his dirty laundry on the floor or forgot to put the toilet seat down.

She just simply stopped reacting to her irritations. Seems pretty unreal, doesn't it? She told me that it was really hard at first and she did slip up a few times and snap at him. Eventually she noticed a change in the atmosphere of their home as he began to follow her lead. The bickering stopped. The pettiness stopped. The irritated feelings went away. From then on, they literally lived happily ever after.

Now, this doesn't mean that you should ignore things that bother you. But there is always a better way to approach a situation than snapping or yelling. If you have been a loving partner, then your significant other should be willing to discuss your concerns and make changes and compromises as they come up and you will do the same for them.

It is my hope that I can follow my grandmothers lead. I am smart enough to know that I have a good thing going right now and that I truly am in love with a wonderful man. I know that I would be a fool to take that for granted and I sincerely hope I never will.